You know it seems like a simple task to find a famous person’s Facebook page and just become a friend or fan or whatever. Unfortunately, there are all these bottom feeders that just post up a site that has virtually nothing to do with the famous person in question. You should see the scary Malcolm Gladwell look-a-likes on Facebook! And yet it always surprises me that even the most obscure famous person always has some wannabe silly person, with either a tattoo of them on their arm or a portrait of themselves, on a fake site of the famous person. The dead give away is when they have like 3 fans!

I’ve done searches for many people/companies/things before and this is a source of frustration for me. I just want the authentic connection to be out there in bold writing: The Official Site of WHOEVER? I feel like this is all over the Internet as well. The conundrum of searches leads you head first into search engine hell. This is where the mere mention of some topic can lead you down a dead end path or wasted time sifting out the real kernel of fact. I thought computers would save us time? Huh.

I mean right now I could mention Rocket Science and boom, I will be up on a search engine list as a notation mentioning this topic when my article has little to do with this topic. Well, later I will get into the fine components of a brain surgery, but not now. ☺

I am just saying that as this beast of an Internet explodes, in all our homes, we will need nerdy search police that regulate what is actual content and what is an anomaly. And even as I say it the tasks seems too vast for humans to actual capture, so perhaps we will need to retain the services of finely skilled monkeys or something.

Oh and the worst are those fake websites, you know the ones I mean. They have paid for good placement of search words and now you are caught in their fake website trying to get to the granular of info that was listed in their search listing that seemingly does not exist.

But if nothing else, my favorite chuckle, I always get, is when you look up say, “serial killers” and you get in the paid frame at Google: serial killers ON SALE AT TARGET! Really, time to bring in the monkeys, people. Feel free to vent your favorite search engine hell dead ends. ☺

The whole idea behind the technology brings up a slew of privacy issues and other ramifications. Would the police, for example, obtain a warrant for your memories? Could hackers get a wireless tap? Could you be spammed? Would reality tv shows go to a new level with willing contestants recording their bizarre experiences in order to win cash prizes?! Is the creation of our memories covered by the international laws of copyight? Can such a means of recording help Alzheimers’ patients?

Bell has said that by 2020, our entire individual history will be online and searchable.

Humanity once again enters brave new territories.

The world may seem upside down for some. For me, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I recently came upon a news story that on its surface is shocking, but in its root: less than so because we are talking, after all, about Phoenix, the Valley of the Sun, that strange desert suburbia, and now the Capital of Human Smuggling. This news comes on the heal from last June when Phoenix become the kidnapping capital of the United States, according the Phoenix Law Enforcement Association. Last year, 368 abductions were reported, compared to 117 in 2000. Victims are targeted anywhere, at any time.

Now, a recent story on FOX News talks about the number of drop-houses that are in various neighbors around the Valley - upper class, middle class, working class - you name it: immigrants crammed inside drophouses, and it could be your neighborhood. However, local authorities have reported 144 drophouses to U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials, compared with the 186 discovered in fiscal 2008. That’s good, but not that good. Part of the reason, sadly, is a slight drop in illegal immigration due to the lack of jobs for them because of the drop in the economy. The fact of the matter is - drophouses with up to 50 or 60 illegal immigrants - beaten, scared, harbored like rats - are there.

So - why Phoenix? The old adage: location, location, location: 150 miles from the Mexico border - centrally placed for destinations to SoCal and the Rockies. The smugglers - known as coyotes - have to deal with ICE agents and rival gangs, one to free and convict and the other to steal. They are becoming - according to reports - more sophisticated, more ruthless, more cunning in protecting their human capital.

No place is safe in America, or for the world that matter. Yet - news like this - it’s always Phoenix. Some thing draws people of such extreme to the desert. It’s like Los Angeles - more than 50% of all known serial killers have lived in Los Angeles one time in their life. Why is that? Is it really too much sun pounding down that finally breaks a person. You don’t hear about this in New Mexico - they never have these honors of distinction in terms of crime. It’s not there’s no crime, it’s that with Phoenix: it’s always a crime of extremes.

I don’t know. The world may seem upside down for some. For me, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Well. Some days.

I get this humor from my own family. We have had our share of tragedy, but we also pride ourselves on a slightly darker take on life. It’s the only way to rise above our dysfunction. I know my kids also crack jokes that would appall other parents, but they are raised around it, so they had to come out that way. My Grand Father was diagnosed decades ago with Alzheimer’s. Listen, this has to be one of the cruelest types of diseases, because it both leaves the person here and yet makes all their memories and brain functions fail. So, I always throw the joke that “there are only two good things about Alzheimer’s, you’re always making new friends and you can hide your own Easter Eggs!” At one point, we got a kick out of how Grand Pa thought that there was a guy trying to take his razor from him every morning. You gotta love that perspective.

Now the rules. Well any well placed dark joke about tragedy should be said in the right time, perhaps not immediately. This is a tough thing to feel out, but you have to. Right now, we are dealing with my Dad being told his Cancer (he fought for so long) is now back and terminal. I was visiting him at his house and I managed to make a joke about it. He was eating and he said that the new medicine was increasing his appetite so much that he was losing his girlish figure. This is a common thing my Dad has said for years. I just looked at him and in the most smart ass way said, “I don’t think gaining weight is a huge concern for you at this point.” And then I laughed. I caught myself only after I had said it, feeling horrified that I would hurt his feelings, but he just laughed and laughed. When you think about it, to laugh about it removes the OMG factor and the whispers that follow people who are in a bad way. I was told by a co-worker that had cancer that once she had it, it was all people would talk about or completely avoid. She appreciated that I treated her like a person and joked about it, because frankly, there is really nothing else you can do once you’ve done everything. I kinda feel that the way we deal with death is a little bit of childish avoidance or overly grownup seriousness that is kinda fake or expected by our culture. Humor is one of the few antidotes to this self limiting, politically correct stance. Oh and don’t forget we don’t make fun of others with our humor. The person in question has to be in on the joke. I am sure I am missing some other rules which are never really outlined, but always followed. My friends can fill in those blanks.

The bottom line is lighten up people. It’s just life. Horrible things happen to everyone and hopefully at some time you can look back and laugh at those things. I think the people who have passed on are chuckling a bit too. Oh so the joke on FB? Here it is: “When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather, not screaming at the top of my lungs like everyone else in his car.” I don’t know where it came from, but it made me laugh even with my Dad facing Cancer. Thanks to whoever came up with this dark sense of humor, you are now in my circle of friends.

It’s weird how someone’s passing that you don’t even know can leave you thinking about that person for quite sometime, a real impact, if you will. This is how I felt hearing the news of John Hughes‘ sudden passing. I know he was not making movies now, but that does not take away the indelible mark he has left on my life. John Hughes wrote the manifesto for my generation and arguably many others.

We grew up on him. I was the perfect adolescent age to really take in his brand of cinema. And if you want to break it down, like a film student paper, he not only found some of this generations greatest actors, he created catch phrases by the dozens. He never forgot that his movies were an ideal vehicle to espouse some good old American values. The real ones, not the ones some political party creates for propaganda. My young kids even get his movies, proof that his writing and the movies themselves hold up over time as classics. Just today they asked to see Home Alone, really, before I even heard of what happened to John Hughes! Every time they laugh at Christmas Vacation, I have John Hughes to thank.

He got us, the middle class. He covered nearly every middle class issue with humor and heart. I know nothing really about the man and by all accounts online he led a quiet life after his phenomenal success. To me his passing is more profound than Michael Jackson for sure. His material had heart delivered in an intelligent, witty manner. He was one of the few grownups in Hollywood who knew how I felt as a teenager. Sure he had over the top stereotypes, but it was like a joke that you and he were in on. Sometimes I wondered if he was at one of my high school parties? Really, the jocks at the keg, the popular crowd, my friends, he had it all. In Sixteen Candles he made geeks cool, He let you believe that you could get that crazy crush you had (and I did) and, yes, John Hughes, not only did I wear the exact same Maid-of Honor wedding getup complete with the halo of fake flowers and long streaming ribbons, but I too had my 16th birthday forgotten by my parents. When I saw the movie not long after all of that (in fact a month after my sister’s wedding), needless to say, I thought he tore a page from my very own diary!

Which brings up an important point in that particular movie, he wrote young female lead roles. He let Molly Ringwald carry movies on her own and she delivered. All that and a feminist supporter too? We are all very lucky that John Hughes could be a voice of our times, he was the guy in Student Council that spoke for the whole school. I mean just listen to the final letter in the Breakfast Club? How could anyone address both how kids felt about the difficulties of being a teenager with parents trying to screw you up and remind all of us that even though we all had those labels put upon us, that didn’t mean that we didn’t have unity. Who does this anymore? Frankly, most movies belittle parents and kids alike with a lack of character development. Where is the middle class suburban voice in cinema these days? Oh yeah, there is no middle anymore.

On top of that, he wasn’t afraid to let his inner goofball shine through. My kids get the moronic comedy of the Vacation movies. And living in Arizona I feel the exact same way about lookng at the Grand Canyon, “Okay, kids, let’s get back in the car.”

All those stupid. silly lines of the screenplay are forever embedded in my brain. I had this great moment in Mexico in college down near Rocky Point. We were all at the beach and we decided to all go out in the water with the waves crashing over us. We eventually formed a circle of about 12 boys and girls and got to talking (while drinking Coronas) and somehow that led to famous movie quotes. It was like a who could do one better. It was full of laughs and full of John Hughes lines. If you can have a life that ripples out like a rock in a pond and it hits an entire generation and more to come, well then, we call that a great life.

Thanks for the memories John, thanks for the laughs, and all the memories and laughs that keep coming. You truly have achieved immortality. And now I say, it’s time for a John Hughes film viewing with friends in honor of his passing!

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For the past couple of months, club pro Brian Lautenschlager and Great Smoky Mountains Greenskeepers Inc. owner Mark English at Sherwood Forest Country Club have been training 11 llamas to caddy for golfers.

Sherwood Forest Country Club is - btw - one of two golf courses in North Carolina offer llamas as caddies.

What exactly is in the air or water in North Carolina you ask? The answer is: same as everywhere else - so, yes, you should be concerned at this point. But it’s not a dog’s life for the llamas.

Every Tuesday morning the llamas — which are kept on a seven-acre farm — are fed and saddled with specialized harnesses capable of holding two sets of clubs. Then they head to the greens two at a time with golfers and a trained supervisor (for the llamas, not the golfers) and act as a more traditional caddy. After nine holes, the animal is taken to a “llama litter box,” (and the golfers hold it in) where they use the restroom, and back out they go to finish the round.

How this idea originated is still a mystery. Obviously, there must be a shortage of caddies and/or the cost of hourly pay for caddies has terribly dented the golfers’ wallet. Obviously the llamas can graze on the course while a human caddy cannot; but a llama cannot yet choose the difference between a nine wood or four iron.

No one is certain if this idea will take off beyond the borders of North Carolina or if the USGA is willing to allow llamas on the courses during tournaments. Can you imagine Tiger Woods with a llama caddy? Of course you can. He’s Tiger Woods, after all. Or how llamas will be added to the Rules of Golf, such as player or caddie must not take any action to influence the position or the movement of a ball except in accordance with the Rules. And if you’re caddy is a llama and such movement occurs, it probably means it’s time for potty break in the sandtrap or something.

The world may seem upside down for some. For me, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m Baltimore Spencer.

So I have to say that the death of Farrah Fawcett was just breaking in the news when word of Michael Jackson being rushed to the hospital was streaking across my television. My first thought was terrible. I hoped he didn’t pull through. I hate saying that, but it was my first thought. I think it was just enough is enough. In these years since his first allegations of child molesting, there were probably countless victims seduced by money, fame or incompetent parents.

Some part of me just wanted this tortured soul to just be done. I haven’t considered him in a happy way since his first allegations broke. Since then I just feel terrible for the little boy that had no childhood and unknown abuses forced upon him. I felt sorry for his self-loathing of his very face, race and perhaps gender. What troubled mind had to be behind that mask of that warped face. His empty celebrity friendships and contrived marriages that no one believed. Perhaps now he can find some peace. There was no room for peace in his lifestyle as it was the day he left. Sure he could have made a great comeback, but the money or fame just wasn’t worth it, wrapped up in all that pain. I tried to explain the complicated phenomenon that is Michael Jackson, to my sons; there is just no way to completely grasp it. It’s a cautionary tale that gets told over and over. Start with nothing, throw in some unreal talent with hard work and fame and fortune eventually become your undoing.

I admired his talent and his work ethic. His art form certainly had staying power. But it wasn’t enough to overcome the “man in the mirror.” The scary macabre creature he evolved into. I almost feel his appearance was the only way he could warn his victims before anything happened. My kids were frightened by his very image. It was dark (or should I say lighter), it was feminine (perhaps to compensate for his missing mother when out on the road, a figure to protect him), it was military (or as I like to call it, the gay Nazi look), to create a tough image to face the world. What a troubled creature.

In fact, it dawned on me that his album titles truly captured his rise and fall in simple phrases: first he was OFF THE WALL, and then he was the THRILLER. That success led him to turning to the BAD side of himself and then he evolved into being truly DANGEROUS. Eventually all the talent in the world could not overcome the press and he became HISTORY and proved that in the end he could never be INVINCIBLE from life’s harsh lessons. It would be interesting to find out how those titles were created because it does timeline his tragic life. It’s like a cryptic message.

I did like some of his music, how could you not. So, I will try to remember the younger Michael Jackson, the sweet boy singing ABC and even the grown up Off the Wall young, talented, black man. If I go any further I cannot separate the scary monster in THRILLER, from his epic Hollywood tragedy. I mean take a look at his scary face in the video and compare it to him after all the surgeries, it’s really not that far off. It’s sad, I feel for the boy he was and felt sorry for the man he became. His children are sad, certainly, but perhaps have been given the gift of some semblance of a normal life. That is the only thing I truly care about now. I hope they can understand what happened, remember the good times and learn from his off the wall lifestyle. I hope he and his family find peace and hope that the others he hurt can now heal and have some closure. He just didn’t have an encore in him. Let’s just remember the music and forget the rest.

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We may never know the complete truth about his life; but first and foremost, we will come to see the battles he fought: an ongoing battle with identity and the stature of fame that has its rewards and pitfalls. He was like a helium balloon released and rising high: we watch how far it will go; but in the end, like all things, the pressures become great and the balloon will burst.

The world may seem upside down for some. For me, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I went to Disneyland as a kid, at about the age of 8. We were on our Chevy Chase Vacation road trip from Vermont to California and all tourist posts in between. It was one of our destination points. I went into Disneyland, after a big family fight in the parking lot, rather not get into those details. Perhaps this scarred me for life going there. But, over the years, I have tried to embrace all that is Disney and I just can’t.

I was raised a Warner Brothers Cartoon kid (Bugs, Daffy, Wiley Coyote, etc.). To me these characters were fast-talking, sarcastic and really, really funny. When I look at the entire Disney character cast (Mickey, Donald Duck, etc.), they just don’t have the depth of character or entertainment value that can even match Warner. I heard an interesting NPR interview with Peter Docter, the Director of Pixar’s  “Up” movie. He said they were all raised on Warner for that same reason. Great, so I am not so crazy now.  He was kind to say that Disney animation did a better job telling a story, which is fair. If it’s a movie character that is so one dimensional, who cares? He made some mention of Dumbo.I saw it recently and I just don’t get it. I felt Dumbo is dated, it has politically incorrect references and some of it is just plain mean spirited.

So this leads me to my main pet peeve. It’s the “parent must die syndrome” that Disney is famous for. I saw Bambie and it rips your heart out, I don’t need my kids worrying about my death or my husbands! This is entertainment, not a therapy session. Right when Pixar hung its’ shingle under the Disney Empire, they started making movies with this same theme! Is it in the contract over there to create paranoia in their young audience? I was happy when they somewhat parted ways, I would love to have been a fly on that wall of those meetings. According to the Wiki explanation, Disney wanted Toy Story 2 to go straight to video and Pixar wanted it counted as part of the picture deal they had with Disney. Duh. And the deal was Pixar would do the creative work and Disney would market and distribute. The catch was that Disney held the rights to the material. Come on, that is evil. What twit at Pixar penned that deal?

Well, you guessed it, Pixar was unhappy with the deal and since rewrote the deal with Disney just doing their marketing thing and using the well established Disney distribution. Fine, Disney does that well, just keep their hands out of the job of creating true entertainment and don’t let them pimp out your great characters. Thanks for waking up Pixar. I breathed a sigh of relief, but I still have to see that damn perfect castle logo every time I play one of those movies. Yuck.

Then we can get into the park itself. It’s sterile and perfect and I kind of hate that Stepford-like take on the world. I base all this on what people tell me after their last visits. So you have this illusion, then you are thrown out into the real world immediately after leaving, it is Anaheim people. It’s Southern California. Off you go onto the freeway gauntlet.

I mean It’s A Small World was cute, but the teacups are an annoying barf machine. They even have a ride named after my kid; I don’t care. Whenever I see the adults dressed up as characters in or outside of Disney I just get the creeps. My kids can’t really stand that kind of stuff either. Who is under there and why don’t they talk? And the Princess girl images are distorting for raising a young girl too. I thank goodness I have all boys, I just can’t handle the overly media blitzed, anti-feminist image of these princesses. It just doesn’t happen that way girls. And I’m a brunette and Disney is just not representing us at all. It feels a little biased. Check it out, do your own dead parent, brunette audit when you are watching. It’s subtle, but it’s there. Who makes up this stuff?

I have a tough time keeping it to myself, but I try. I hear friends that take their kids to Disney every year because, “it’s the happiest place on Earth!” Just listen to yourselves and try not to quote marketing slogans whenever possible. It really feeds into our consumer-based world. It’s sad that their kids only know the hermetically sealed joys of travel. That their breakfast must be washed down with furry people coming by their table. I mean who came up with this idea? I have had a number of adults that said that part was just lame. Maybe that’s where the scary furry fetish people get their original start? J

With that said, I hold out a morsel of hope that, perhaps, there are good aspects of Disney. Take for example Epcot Center. I have not been to the Florida branch and this is the only portion that keeps my hopes up. I am afraid to go. What if it is also a sickeningly perfect experience? Or worse, just as one-dimensional? Will there be any brunettes there? I really hope so.

I also commend them on one of their most important trained ex-employees who I LOVE, Steve Martin (comedian, actor, author). I read Steve’s autobiography (Born Standing Up: a comic’s life) a few years back (great read) and I was surprised at how he credits Disney as the way he broke into the business. There weren’t many ways to break in at the time, He was a suburban kid and he picked up magic and juggling and just plain how to entertain people at Disney. So, I have to give Disney some credit. Lastly, Disney does have a generous employee package that includes recognizing same sex benefits. Gay people have to work at Disney, how do you think they get it so happy and perfect?

So, what do I do with two impressionable boys who are the primary consumers of the Disney fare? Well, we don’t watch Disney pop culture channels. That is crack TV and some really bad messaging going on there. All the stereotypes and matching outfits ready to be purchased at your local Disney store! I think that may be the crux of my issue. It’s the entertainment to impressionable young brain to market to consumer hands plan that they have executed all too well. It’s just SO calculated. I just try to keep their brains from over exposure to that stuff. They have some toys and love Pixar movies, but really they don’t seem to like the stuff they’ve seen. I’ve got smart kids.

So when I see that Disney is putting out all these “great deals” right now because the economy is struggling, you can be sure I chuckle to myself. Disney, I’m just not all that into you. Go out on a real vacation this summer. It’s not perfect but it is a real experience. Hey and here is your chance to convince me otherwise. I am always open to new ideas or a finely worded cease and desist letter.J

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We may never know what triggered James von Brunn’s hatred. The 88-year old Maryland man has been charged in the death of 39-year old security officer at the US Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC. In time we may have the answers. But we may never know what triggered his actions; equally important, we may never know what triggered his hatred towards other races and ethnic groups. His life - as we know so far - a WWII Navy veteran, worked in St. Louis and NY in advertising, and tried to make his life as an artist. But something went rotten inside of him some 40 years ago. He saw the world as Us v. Them, a divisional war of the races. He spoke out against the various non-White races and ethnic groups through voice, print and Internet. Only when he crossed the line and acted upon his hate was he arrested in the past, charged and sentenced for his crimes. All these past decades: shouting out minority views of hate as a member of a majority race, and no one listened, no one acted; and then, today, still shouting out for anyone to listen, but as a member of a minority race.

But for most of the time, he just spouted his hatred - as it is his inalienable right to do so - but the irony is the very people he attacked also defended his right to spew his vulgar hatred. There’s no forgiveness for his actions. There’s no tolerance for his hate. But we cannot deny the right to express his opinion through voice or word. von Brunn tried to change the world through the illogic of hate, chosing a coward’s way of expression through base emotional response, one that creates division over unity, terror over tolerance.

We cannot silence von Brunn-types for their opinion, nor can we move them to some island where they can live their lives out. We must fight the hate and the lies that von Brunn espoused. It’s a perpetual fight but a necessary one for us to remain free people.

The world may seem upside down for some. For me, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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