Disneyland:The Happiest Place on Earth? No.

I was going to keep my mouth shut. I don’t want to ruin it for other people, but I happened across a blog where the person had the same loathing for Disneyland, or Disney anything that I do. I don’t like Disneyland. I don’t like the whole Disney-ish lifestyle in general. I just have to layout my argument, you can take it for face value. Hopefully it won’t be too Goofy. Oooh, that was  bad one.

I went to Disneyland as a kid, at about the age of 8. We were on our Chevy Chase Vacation road trip from Vermont to California and all tourist posts in between. It was one of our destination points. I went into Disneyland, after a big family fight in the parking lot, rather not get into those details. Perhaps this scarred me for life going there. But, over the years, I have tried to embrace all that is Disney and I just can’t.

I was raised a Warner Brothers Cartoon kid (Bugs, Daffy, Wiley Coyote, etc.). To me these characters were fast-talking, sarcastic and really, really funny. When I look at the entire Disney character cast (Mickey, Donald Duck, etc.), they just don’t have the depth of character or entertainment value that can even match Warner. I heard an interesting NPR interview with Peter Docter, the Director of Pixar’s  “Up” movie. He said they were all raised on Warner for that same reason. Great, so I am not so crazy now.  He was kind to say that Disney animation did a better job telling a story, which is fair. If it’s a movie character that is so one dimensional, who cares? He made some mention of Dumbo.I saw it recently and I just don’t get it. I felt Dumbo is dated, it has politically incorrect references and some of it is just plain mean spirited.

So this leads me to my main pet peeve. It’s the “parent must die syndrome” that Disney is famous for. I saw Bambie and it rips your heart out, I don’t need my kids worrying about my death or my husbands! This is entertainment, not a therapy session. Right when Pixar hung its’ shingle under the Disney Empire, they started making movies with this same theme! Is it in the contract over there to create paranoia in their young audience? I was happy when they somewhat parted ways, I would love to have been a fly on that wall of those meetings. According to the Wiki explanation, Disney wanted Toy Story 2 to go straight to video and Pixar wanted it counted as part of the picture deal they had with Disney. Duh. And the deal was Pixar would do the creative work and Disney would market and distribute. The catch was that Disney held the rights to the material. Come on, that is evil. What twit at Pixar penned that deal?

Well, you guessed it, Pixar was unhappy with the deal and since rewrote the deal with Disney just doing their marketing thing and using the well established Disney distribution. Fine, Disney does that well, just keep their hands out of the job of creating true entertainment and don’t let them pimp out your great characters. Thanks for waking up Pixar. I breathed a sigh of relief, but I still have to see that damn perfect castle logo every time I play one of those movies. Yuck.

Then we can get into the park itself. It’s sterile and perfect and I kind of hate that Stepford-like take on the world. I base all this on what people tell me after their last visits. So you have this illusion, then you are thrown out into the real world immediately after leaving, it is Anaheim people. It’s Southern California. Off you go onto the freeway gauntlet.

I mean It’s A Small World was cute, but the teacups are an annoying barf machine. They even have a ride named after my kid; I don’t care. Whenever I see the adults dressed up as characters in or outside of Disney I just get the creeps. My kids can’t really stand that kind of stuff either. Who is under there and why don’t they talk? And the Princess girl images are distorting for raising a young girl too. I thank goodness I have all boys, I just can’t handle the overly media blitzed, anti-feminist image of these princesses. It just doesn’t happen that way girls. And I’m a brunette and Disney is just not representing us at all. It feels a little biased. Check it out, do your own dead parent, brunette audit when you are watching. It’s subtle, but it’s there. Who makes up this stuff?

I have a tough time keeping it to myself, but I try. I hear friends that take their kids to Disney every year because, “it’s the happiest place on Earth!” Just listen to yourselves and try not to quote marketing slogans whenever possible. It really feeds into our consumer-based world. It’s sad that their kids only know the hermetically sealed joys of travel. That their breakfast must be washed down with furry people coming by their table. I mean who came up with this idea? I have had a number of adults that said that part was just lame. Maybe that’s where the scary furry fetish people get their original start? J

With that said, I hold out a morsel of hope that, perhaps, there are good aspects of Disney. Take for example Epcot Center. I have not been to the Florida branch and this is the only portion that keeps my hopes up. I am afraid to go. What if it is also a sickeningly perfect experience? Or worse, just as one-dimensional? Will there be any brunettes there? I really hope so.

I also commend them on one of their most important trained ex-employees who I LOVE, Steve Martin (comedian, actor, author). I read Steve’s autobiography (Born Standing Up: a comic’s life) a few years back (great read) and I was surprised at how he credits Disney as the way he broke into the business. There weren’t many ways to break in at the time, He was a suburban kid and he picked up magic and juggling and just plain how to entertain people at Disney. So, I have to give Disney some credit. Lastly, Disney does have a generous employee package that includes recognizing same sex benefits. Gay people have to work at Disney, how do you think they get it so happy and perfect?

So, what do I do with two impressionable boys who are the primary consumers of the Disney fare? Well, we don’t watch Disney pop culture channels. That is crack TV and some really bad messaging going on there. All the stereotypes and matching outfits ready to be purchased at your local Disney store! I think that may be the crux of my issue. It’s the entertainment to impressionable young brain to market to consumer hands plan that they have executed all too well. It’s just SO calculated. I just try to keep their brains from over exposure to that stuff. They have some toys and love Pixar movies, but really they don’t seem to like the stuff they’ve seen. I’ve got smart kids.

So when I see that Disney is putting out all these “great deals” right now because the economy is struggling, you can be sure I chuckle to myself. Disney, I’m just not all that into you. Go out on a real vacation this summer. It’s not perfect but it is a real experience. Hey and here is your chance to convince me otherwise. I am always open to new ideas or a finely worded cease and desist letter.J

Related articles

• It’s a small world after all, Nemo (msnbc.msn.com)
• Disney Updates It’s a Small World Exhibit With Pixar Characters (shoppingblog.com)
• Pixar gambles on Up (thestar.com)