Is This Thing On? (The Maiden Blog)

Well that’s my first line because that was always my test line when I worked in radio and had to get behind the mic. It seems appropriate since this is the maiden voyage of my blogging on the high seas. Well let’s address the obvious, who the hell are you and why do you think you can blog and people will listen? That’s fair. I am still convincing myself to do this too. Perhaps I will get some inspiration to justify my staying online. I am a human (or am I)? I have been writing for nearly my whole life. My first book was a cottage press publication that my mother lovingly stapled and taped together at my tender age of 5. Quite a resume, eh?

I never thought I want to be a writer, ironically. I just write. I always have. Not even the journal, that’s just self indulgent stuff that childhood angst is made of. I just wrote in whatever little corner of the universe let me. I find the Internet, is this “Holy Grail” for writers like me. We’ve always been out there in our little world and a bit unwilling to share with the “whole class”. Along the way, many people of a wide variety of personalities, have said, “you know, you really ought to write.” So, today I am taking that advice, some 30 odd years in the making. My family members write too. But I would say the genetic tradition there is mostly writing a really, wickedly cool, demand letter or a bitchin’ cover letter. So here I sit on the cusp of lying my thought wares out on this make shift website for all to see. As my friend Michael pointed out long ago. If you don’t show your writing, then your just doing artistic masturbation. If I ever start a rock group, it will definitely be named Artistic Masturbation—so consider it copywritten now. I would have named my blog that, but it would attract the creepy Internet lurkers and would be a tough introduction to be on the Today Show, although maybe not with Kathie Lee in the 4th hour. Hmm, but I digress.

What will my blog be about? As much as I would like to neatly define myself in this mega branding society, which can widdle down a demographic to within an inch of it’s life—I am just not going there. I may be pissed off about politics, marveling about motherhood, offering my keen business acumen or just plain silly. Let’s just organically let this blog weed grow and attach itself to whatever way the wind blows. A Seinfeld type of blog, simply about nothing, if you will.

What have you written? I have written reviews of cult movie festivals, press releases in broadcast radio, dabbled at writing product naming in Corporate America, radio spots and lots of intranet articles as well as funny and sarcastic emails both professionally and privately. I learned that I do not like to write for money directly, but incorporate it in my various jobs. I’ve had people send my internal emails out to friends because they made them laugh so hard—I’ll take that as a compliment. Unless it winds up on NPR’s

The form

Now I was a rocking English student, but I may or may not follow all the incremental language laws. This blog stuff lends itself to a looser format that is ripe with conversational nuances. Oh, and I love throwing in $5 words here and there. We need that vocabulence. I am also a huge fan of wordsmithing. Our language is itching to evolve and morph and I am like a pirate on the forefront of pushing this envelope.

What worried me about starting this is the viciousness that seeps out of peoples’ keyboards when they want to respond to my blog. I had lots of this experience working the call in phones in talk radio. What seemed to happen is that a few pain in the asses called in way too much, from their mother’s home (back in their childhood room), lobbing Molotov cocktail snipes like Siskel dying, opened up a spot for them to bitch. Whew that was a mouthful! Or is that pageful?

Hey, it’s not like I cannot take a hit for things you don’t agree with, hell I demand that! I mean that is what makes our country great. The voice of the dissent can reside happily here. I am the poster child for the voice of the dissent—and I have the job history and failed relationships to prove it.

So let’s get this thing in motion. When faced with a board game to play, I am never one to read the directions, just throw the dice and let’s see what happens. Are you in? I see red and green edit marks all over this thing. I am not going to fix them! I feel so alive!

I’m gonna need a resume from you as well, some references to be a reader: an IQ test and a list of the medications you are currently on. I’m just messin’ with ya. Let me know what you think.